Writing

Writing

Some rough-draft writings, findings from my brain, reflections on life, whatever I wrote, thank you for listening

A pretty green frog sits in the bathtub.

He is flawed and impulsive and self-destructive.

We have each other if we choose.

We will crumble and decay without socialization.

‘I commit to playing with you.’

I have a tendency to say no

But i Tap into quietness

I know more.  At this point.


There is a slug infestation, they have killed the local slugs, and when the chickens eat too many of these new slugs their eggs taste funny.

Ive been trying to read slower

I can be tired anywhere,

I can love anywhere.

But It's easier without a last name,

With space between the foot and the floor, with your friends on the floor playing with your head, with only understanding ¾ of the words spoken.

The frog is exactly where I left him 3 days ago.

The Consistency of morning.

Not of life, but of something else,

A shape that bends us.

My Synovial fluid floats in water

which is hard to reckon with.

Fear untaught me and Repression keeps me from honoring my capacities and 

I don't think I could do a lot of things I used to do. I don't desire much of the same.

This is Love on a scale I can survive.

You can’t but you can go backwards or sideways . men love war, i love looking at atrocities, i like remembering its not my problem, much like halloween threatens them, they are humans they must be scared to confront themselves, blinding extremes, resonance, karen finley, dont accept consequences, not funny, someone invented it, the rest of us are confused and trying to seize it, dollhouse of selfishness, whiteness, economic status, predetermined personhood, some amount of luck, geography. Avoid responsibility, give the audience my problems. Where did i go wrong, we are all victims. I forgot i had a body, im doing everything wrong (right). I gotta be a better host to myself, more abstract. I dont even think it matters you made all of it up and i dont care about things beyond truth, a pit, a knot, spinning panic, avoidance and regret. Im perverted, i like watching - so what. Embarrassing to not be pretentious about your work. Voting in a “democracy” over processed/engineered food and health crisis, americans, alarms, silence. A line of fruit, a knife, my dentures, toilet, orgasm. 

You walk like a coward, talk like a

Art has value said nobody ever. If youre not gonna give me a bogus amount, you better give me nothing at all. Ive been eating gluten free and vegan for a week and i didn’t even notice. Interpret that how you will, im trying to be what you want. Look do you see how pretty i am love me love me love me

I cant keep this up, so dramatic for no reason, making poetry out of lemons, a very sour feeling in the room

I have to be stupider (fake laughter)

Im trying so hard not to make sense im trying so hard to make you think im really really trying to just GIVE UP.

Quiet quiet quiet

Body; loud voice

Melancholic fulfillment

My nostalgic heart aches 

For the future

Inside me is a much

Ive never been before

So soft, for days now

I can hardly stand

But natures resonance and your

Gentle nature

Keep me floating through

Naked in the canal

With sheep and birds as

Sonic company

I see my future

As a soft blur

Outlined

With this place and this heart

And im more than okay with that


To let go of this and

Remain solely in memory

My heart goes soft

And i weep

But at least i can

Feel it

Teeth rattling

Blood vibrating

Hair blowing

Bones awakening

Muscles expanding

Vessels exploding

Eyelids falling

Fingernails growing

Ears itching

Brain fluttering

Ass-shaking

Content warning

Skin melting


Having a c-section

Numb but the most

Intense thing ever

Awake but unaware

In another place but

The most human you’ll 

Ever be

Your wife is afraid

But you are so calm

Curtain divides

Human flesh from

Pleasure


Brief moments of release,

Relief

Soul throbbing

Brain waving

Hope waning

Thoughts absorbing

Nose trembling

If i close my mouth

My teeth will break

Each other

Isolating, world-spinning

Body freezing, sweating

Totally trapped

Unequivically charmed

Tell me how to live

Guide my blood

My heart won’t beat

Without this

You have lived within me

And I didn’t know

Downward pressure, unable

To move, to write

Im being buried alive

Zap, you shut the lid

No more beats

Descension as my ascension

Are you preparing for my arrival


You become numb to it after a while

You only notice the intensity once its over

Like seasonal depression and school

And life

I dont want to get numb to it

I want to be constantly jarred

A forever state of whiplash

Keep me interested and vibrating

Keep me exploding and keep putting me

Back together

Keep me itching and fluttering and falling

Keep warning me, not saving me

Keep the sweet moments of relief

But mostly keep me trembling and cold sweating

Keep stretching me till i get woozy and

Then bury me till i descend up to the sky

Give me the worst headache of my life

And remember how i cope

Agitate me and make me go insane

Capitalism and schizophrenia took my body

It makes the sweet sweeter and the bitter less

Its how i cope, if you make it worse it can

Only feel better, only feel trapped, only feeling

Cool down the vibrations, increase sweating as

I come to, youre allowing me this nightmare

And telling me its the sweetest dream

Let me rest, let me go

But please keep me tethered to this

Feeling as i figure out how to live

With my ears vibrating

Previous
Previous

Today I Opened My Eyes (2023)